Who’s absolutely buzzed to tick Beauty and the Beast off their panto list this year?

Who’s unbelievably eager to overspend on bao buns at the BOXPARK every lunchtime?

Who’s totally tickled to be working less than five miles from his own front door for once (we Streatham folk have no beef with you, just to be clear)?

Why, Chris Fearn is.

It’s true.

You read it right.

Actor, writer, musician, grower of marvellous facial hair, and Deputy Chair of the Small Man Appreciation Society (5ft 8 is small, apparently) is here. He’ll stomp around the stage, saying his lines as loud as he can in a vain attempt to drown out the voices in his head (“You’re too young to be playing a fully-grown adult’s father,” they will say).

Now… here are some other people what he has pretended to be.

Captain Hook (Peter Pan, The Anvil Basingstoke); Dandini (Cinderella, Theatre Royal Bath); The Boomer (The Night My Parents Disappeared, The Other Palace/The Lowry); Drake/Greylag (Honk! The Musical, UK Tour); Boris Johnson/Jeremy Corbyn (NewsRevue, Canal Café Theatre/The Pleasance); Michael DeMarcos (Shakespeare for Breakfast, C Theatre/Canal Café Theatre); Fagin (Dickens for Dinner, C Theatre/Canal Café Theatre).

He writes too. He just wrote all the stupid funny write songs for 2023 Musical Comedy Award winner, Katie Norris (Go West, Old Maid). He is also proud to have written his own one-man show, Chimney Thustards and Other People I Made Up, in which he played Chimney Thustards (and other people he made up).